Burger King = Sex
By David Thier
Finally, I can stop rubbing raw meat across my chest in a desperate attempt to attract mates. Burger King, capitalizing on the near-universal human desire to have sex with hamburgers, has released “Flame,” a cologne that smells like a whopper. Here’s what they have to say for themselves:
The WHOPPER sandwich is America’s favorite burger. FLAME by BK captures the essence of the love and gives it to you [hard]. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.
Of course! The scent of seduction is a WHOPPER! How the hell did I miss this before? This gimmick, coupled with their new whopper virgins campaign and the omnipresent king, now half naked and beckoning on a bear skin rug, is a truly bizarre attempt by the Burger King cooperation to tie their flaghship product to ambiguously consensual sex. We’ve seen the results of this before, when George Castanza attempted combine food sex and tv into one uncontrollable urge. (videos after the jump)
And, of course, the result:
This has to be stopped, and it has to be stopped now. I can already barely control my sexual urges inside a Burger King, but what will happen when the ultimate flame-broiled aphrodisiac is released on the streets? We can only imagine the pickle puns that will ensue.